Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
