I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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