Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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