did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
