I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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