you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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