HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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