please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
