You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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