just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
