Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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