I want to have your abortion
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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