playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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