Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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