dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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