mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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