I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize