At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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