I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
