My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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