PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
