brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone came in the potted fern
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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