I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
