i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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