Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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