): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
