Christians are straight up FREAKS
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
