YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
