I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
