Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
