i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
