You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize