I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
