So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
