Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
