While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
