Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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