I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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