why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize