I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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