Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
