I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
