We won't sleep together?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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