Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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