..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
