Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
