I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
