he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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