You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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