I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
