My friends, they love my intelligence
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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