How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize