The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
