I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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