Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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