PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
