i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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