i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
