Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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