this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
