I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
