why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no, he came in my armpit
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
