so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
