I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
