Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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