I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
