You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
