it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
