I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
