I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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