dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
