Jerry, you need to find god
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
