Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize