So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
