I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i now understand why vodka
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
