as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
