mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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