OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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