he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize