you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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