She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
