Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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