I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
