I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
